just another post

apparently i've discovered that i developed another type of phobia, and that's sending-people-off-at-the-airport phobia...
well, as you should know, many of my friends are going to overseas (especially australia) to further their studies soon, and of course, there will be this particular moment that i really don't wish to experience again...

May, you should know this best right? still remember what happened to me when i sent you off last year?? *don't tell others about this ya* shhh....
sigh, i just can't bear the scene where all the people getting super duperly emotional when the person is about to depart, then especially when the parents hug their kid longer enough for me to drive from penang to kl...haha, just kidding lah...and start to get teary eyes T.T boohooo~~~
i just cannot stand this kind of scenario!!! it's too.......EMOTIONAL!

that was why i didn't even send my sister off to NS that time, cuz for sure i'll sob like mad!!! unbelievable eh?! So, no hard feelings if i didn't send anyone of you off...it's not that i don't treasure you as friend or what, it's just phobia...


meanwhile, i'll try my very best to overcome this stupid phobia :p

crap

and i'm outta my mind...
this post is basically about me crapping while being left alone in the house, you can just ignore it...navigate away from this page if you don't expect lotsa meaningless grumblings and yea, just CRAP.


totally no mood for anything now.
eventhough i'm online now, my status in msn and skype is "appear offline" and "not available" respectively...the truth is i'm way too available to be true!
just don't feel like going out, so i got myself alone in the house now! it's so silent that it literally scares the hell out of me...
my parents went to grocery shopping, my bro went out too, the pathetic me staying in the house all alone...staring blankly at the pc screen, or better still, stalking people in facebook...meanwhile browsing through people's blogs and see what's happening going on...
don't know why i just feel disappointed when the blog is not updated whenever i click on it...
SO people, update your blog frequently to keep this pathetic antisocial me occupied :p
i don't have to mood to do revision as well, guess i've already in the chinese new year mood...i spend more time in front of my electone organ than my study table, is that even a good thing to tell?
speaking of cny, i havent been cutting my hair for quite a while, and it looks like a big mess of dried black grasses, but i wonder why do people spend so much on their hair?? it's just hair...it's just some kind of structural proteins...some people even go to steam their hair, your hair will denature due to high temperature you know??
CRAP.
one more thing, i'm having sorethroat and it sucks!!!
being have to wake up at 7am this morning (for Genetic class) is bad enough, the worse part is we were having 4 hours just for doing the Chi-Square lab work. damn boring you know??? calculate the same thing over and over and over again...was moodless during the whole lecture and acted like a living zombie.

by the way, i've already plan what i'm going to do tomorrow...wake up in the afternoon, watch tv, online, eat, sh*t...anything but not something productive...hmm, perhaps help my dad to paint for wall too...
better keep my fingers crossed that i will have my study mood back tomorrow!
one part of me wanna study, the other stronger (evil) part restrains me from doing so.
AHH? mm thung ngo yao split personality????


*sigh* you won't believe this, i'm actually cracking my head to think of more craps to write...

not my head itchy lah...

yooooooooo, today seems like forever.....

crap.

p/s: TONIGHT got Survivor China!!! May~~

remember last time we used to get so crazy over every single episode of Survivor? :)

May--just MAY!!!~

im very moody today....
was so bored and dunno what to do in the morning already...
then, in the afternoon, my 4th block result came out...
haiz....
drop back to 7* again...although another 2 improve to 8*
so dissapointed...i thought i can get all 80 and above this time..but...haiz...
in fact , to be honest , i hope that my ana can get 9* since last time i got 88 already...but...
haiz....
yeah..you are right..all are distinction marks...
but, overall , im not getting the chance to get distinction anyway as my first and maybe the second blocks result too were too bad......
then i realized that i need 30 marks in my uni to pass..
lol...
30 marks !!!!! only...
you see...
i lost my strength and enthusiatic to study now...that's why im posting...
ehaha....
luckily there is a movie post that make me at least smile ...
see........
i can't concentrate for the entire one hour i think....and i need to rearrange my timetable again...keep on lagging and lagging and lagging....
stupid...
lazy.....

your know what...
i changed my alarm ringtone to 'bu yao ren wei zi ji mei you yong' composed by liang zhi qiang..the main title song of 'im not stupid---xiao hai bu ben!' few days back....haiz....
eevery morning i have to force myself to wake up and every night i have to force myself to study more.....
and i realized that more than half a day is used for STUDYING!!!

kept on telling myself....less than one month time...
just study ...if not...whatever is it...i need to study ...to get through all this!
was fine even t\until yesterday...but just now today....
im like a balloon without air......

what should i do now??
i feel so guilty tat my result becomes so bad..even though i knew that it wasn't really bad since the highest is not 98 but 90 only....many ppl get less mark if compared to last block and this block is indeed more difficult but i just couldn't help to feel down....

i think
i
need
to
watch
the
japanese drama now,.....
but....its in malaysia...
if i watch it
i will get 'touched'easily and maybe i can cry and faxie a bit...
haiz....
at least give me some reason to cry right?
bt , i couldn't find one although it seems that i have tonnes....

feeling bored on everything...even on food....especially after i weight myself just now...
66.5kg?! no way.......

what am i writting?
i also dunno....
dunno....
just DUNNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lousy may >.<

Betrayal

So i came across this chinese blog...
i'm sorry if you don't understand mandarin, but this article is really meaningful and it truly reflects how i feel...ask someone to translate for you if you really want to know the content =)
the title of the post is "朋友這花紅", the blogger is 張小嫻.
i can't agree more than this...

let me highlight some of the points:

"我常常想，會不會有人是從來沒有被朋友出賣過的呢？
要是你這麼幸運，也許是你太年輕了，要不就是你根本沒有朋友。

小小的出賣，誰都會遇過。

他在背後說你是非，把你的秘密到處張揚。你當時也許深深受到傷害。然而，到了後來，你會慶幸，他傷不了你，倒是讓你認清了他。
大大的出賣，諸如利用你的信任....不過，這也只能怪你自己有眼無珠吧？

被朋友出賣，就像失戀和失望，都是人生的一部分。它會讓我們茁壯成長。

你被出賣過，並不是從此不再相信朋友，而是更感激真心對你好的朋友。

被朋友大大小小的出賣，就跟失戀一樣，要是早晚會發生的話，早比遲好。
這樣你可以早一點了解人生，你也復原得比較快。
做人還是瀟灑一點的好。何況，這些小小的出賣並沒有把我打倒。我寧願帶著溫暖的友情走我的路，記著對我好的人，原諒那些曾經對我不好的朋友。他們和我一樣，也不過是凡人。

走的路愈長，你愈明白，朋友是一筆額外的花紅，得之我幸，不應該對朋友有太高的要求。

maybe i really have high expectation of friends, especially those i considered as close one... that was why i always got very frustrated when anyone of them annoyed me. But who am i to judge them? who knows that maybe i'm the one who is not qualify to be their friend?
Nobody is perfect.
so, pick up the pieces and move on...

i <3 bacteria!

urghhh, why i always find it so darn hard to write a proper discussion for a lab report?? (May and Kel, you guys have any tips on how to write a good discussion?)
guess what, i used 2 days to finish 4 microb lab discussions!!! in fact, i just finished it the minute before i type this post...
poor brainy...did i torture you to come up with bombastic theories to write about?
bacterial isolation techniques?
preparation of smears, simple stains and wet mounts?
differential staining such as gram stain, acid-fast stain and metachromatic granule stain?
demonstration of bacterial cytology?
lol, these are only the title of the 4 experiments i've done so far...
thanks to microbiology, now i've befriended some organisms such as Staphylococcus epidermis, Pseudomonas aerugina, Serratia marcescens, Bacillus subtilis, Nocardia sp, Proteus vulgaris...etc..etc and last but not least the ever famous Escherichia coli a.k.a E.coli.
damn, now i sound geeky.
it really takes time for me to even know which of them are gram +ve or -ve, let alone their morphologies and structures?? i'm not born to do this man...sigh.
give me time. gimme more, gimme more....
see?? i listen to britney spear's, i'm not a geek :p
you sensed something?
yea, i'm outta my mind...hahaha!
don't blame me, blame on the bacteria that invaded my poor brainy :p


perhaps i should wear this to every single microb lecture/ lab...

or i can consider wearing this??
..................
..............
...........
.......
....
..


muahahahahaa....

p/s: went to watch the game plan today, it was heaps better than cloverfield! if you have watched the latter, you'll get what i mean...

Nodame Cantabile

ahh..i can't help but post this entry about my latest addiction --> Nodame Cantabile
if you have no idea what is it, well, it's a japanese drama adapted from an animation of the same title...
i'm lazy to describe much about the movie but it's basically about classical music and orchestra, that's why i love the drama so much! if you're a classical music lover, this is a MUST-WATCH =)
not to mention that the main actor is so darn fine too (slurp~), it's not usual for me to say a girl cute, but the female lead, Nodame is really cute ler....
she is not your typical female pianist, normally the pianist we saw in drama or movie, they are so graceful even if they are not playing the piano. by the way she acts, you might mistaken her as the aunty that collect trash as a living as her room is filled with RUBBISH and she can carry on as usual without bathing for several days...GENG! and she also always steal lunchbox from her classmates...
the male lead's name is Chiaki, a multi-talented music student who can play the piano, violin...and also a potential conductor...
wah, if i happen to bump into a guy like him, i will smitten!!! melt on the spot even... :p
alright alright, i better stop here and i think you guys will eventually check on it if you are interested...heheh..
OME MORE THING, the drama's OST is so so so so addictive and i've been listening for the past few days, over and over again...

check out the video Rhapsody In Blue, Nodame's version (actually i'm learning the song now, but it's jazz version..initially i didn't have to mood to practise the song, but once i heard this song playing in the drama...i've been practising the song everyday..hehe)



this clip actually makes me recall back the time where i used to play the pianica in the music band during my primary school...those were the days....

by the way, it's aired on every sunday on 8tv, from 3pm to 4pm...hehe..
i can't wait to watch the next episode...

~*~*~*GOOD NEWS~*~*~*
click here:
http://www.mysoju.com/nodame-cantabile/
to watch the whole series! WHOOO~~

that someone...

"i want that someone who will love me for me,

someone who is able to accept me for who i am,

not for whoever he/she wants me to be.

for those who can't, i'm sorry to say that...

"just leave me alone, will you?"

stop pretending and get a life.

i don't need anymore of these, i have had enough..."

Where is the mood to study?

heyheyhey....
i din't post for a long long time le...
finally...
but im nt using my laptop...so no photos :S

i was quite shocked knowing that my dad was very unhappy,in fact , angry that i don't want to repair my laptop (so that i can concentrate on my studies)! hehe..but my self control is becoming very poor now...
can't control myself from eating,sleeping , talking on phone,online.....
haiz..

hopefully i can pass through my study weeks and pass the exam so that i can continue...
lol...very mou sam gei....

>.<

I've Got Mail From India =)

wheeeeee~i've got a mail from india, and yea, it was from MAY!
gosh, imagine my happiness when my mum handed the letter to me...
hehe...although it arrived one week late, but i'm still very ecstatic upon the arrival of this birthday card which i have been longing for (with a small gift attached to it...) what she has wrote in the card just put a smile, no....A LOT OF SMILEsss on my stupid looking face. LOL!

you wrote: everyone is after friendship, family and love (the intimate kind), and i'm lucky to have 2 of them, but you know what, i have an extra thing that most people don't possess....this may sound cliche, but who cares..

i'm lucky enough to have 2 freakingly amazing friends in my life!!! and i know they will be there for me whenever i need them...and they are none other than you both:

MAYand KEL

i'm undeniably proud to have you both as my besties =)

to show my appreciation, here it goes:

~*~*the earrings~*~*

Thanks lotssss! MAY~~muakzzz ^^ heee, of course i want the stamps! :p

note: pics taken using my phone, as i'm way too lazy to charge the battery of my digital cam..so please bear with the poor quality :p

what if...

feeling scared and worried.
what am i suppose to do???
you might think that this is just another entry about me whining about how suck my life is, or the misfit things that can't seem to leave me alone...then you're wrong.
this time, it isn't about studies, social or relationship problems, it's something more, something personal, something that i wish i never had, something that i don't really want to disclose here...
sometimes i feel so sorry for myself. whenever i think about it, i feel even worse.
just need someone that i really can talk to at the moment! that person would be my sister, but now she's not here with me...and i'm keeping all this shit with me day by day, not knowing where to let them out.
despite you guys, i really don't know who can i rely on, or maybe trust (despite my family), but they are so busy with their own stuff and i really don't want to bother them much.
i have so much "what if(s)" inside me... once again.
i'm definitely not the luckiest person on earth, and i'm trying to live every single moment to the fullest despite the obstacles that i have to overcome.
but the question is, how long can i stand anymore?
i feel as if i'm like an over-stretched rubber band, waiting to break into pieces...

i might and probably not solving the problem by posting this entry, but for sure it would make me feel better. i can write whatever i want, whenever i want...and this gives me a tiny bit of comfort and courage to stand up again...

i'm 20!

whoooo! i can't believe it....i'm finally 20?!

alright, i'm 20. so how did i celebrate my birthday? nothing much special actually, but to tell the truth, this is the busiest and most tiring bday i've ever experienced. all thanks to the Genetic 1 class from 8am til 1pm, a freaking 5 hours!

ohh, i also saw a cockroach in the basin when i brushed my teeth. When i told me dad about it, he said "the cockroach wanna be the first to wish you Happy Birthday ma..." sweat.

in fact i've music lesson after the GEN class, but at last i called up my teacher to postpone it because my friends wanna celebrate with me in the afternoon, especially Gwen. She purposely took a day off just to celebrate with me! awwww~~ so sweet of her isn't it??? we had lunch at the sushi king and i had a surprise from min zhao and rhian. They told us they wanted to go to toilet...but strangely they went for so long. more than 20 minutes...and then when i saw them came back with a secret recipe's box, and a lit candle on a cake, i was like "omg.." i was so touched by what they did for me....haha, at some point i even begged them not to sing in front of the people in sushi king. but they turned to a deaf ear and started to sing....LOUDLY! maybe i was paranoid, i felt as if everyone was looking at our direction...lol.

this year i received a lot of wishes, greetings and prezzies from friends, which i don't really feel very comfortable of (not in a bad way of course), i'm just not used to it because during all my previous bdays, not many people realized about it, only a few...*sigh*

for instance, during my SAM back in disted, college started on the first week of jan, obviously none of my classmate knew it was my bday, so i had another silent bday...

and last year, i just started my biotech course in a new college where i didn't have any single friend there, and it was so happened that my bday fell on the 2nd day of college, yet again nobody knows it and i do admit that i felt very alone and left out. i couldn't wait to finish class and dashed home, the place where i always fit in to...

therefore, i hardly experience much of the present-giving, all the birthday-wishings, the norm is that i'm usually the one wish my friends happy birthday and all, it's hardly the other way round. that's why this year i received a lot of attentions on my birthday and i feel kinda awkward, feel as if i'm dreaming of something...but nevertheless i'm very glad and happy that they for once made my 20th birthday a very memorable one. thanks guys!!!

besides my family and some close friends, i really don't remember anyone who gives so much attentions and surprises to me on my birthday...

although it's just a simple "happy birthday", but it means so much to me, it makes me feel so loved and appreciated. as a matter of fact, it is enough to make my day.

thank heaps for those who make my 20th birthday a great one =)

love you all <3

Happy 2008!!!

Happy New Year 2008 everyone!
after all the fun stuff..it's time to go back to position, college starts tomorrow. feeling the mixed emotions right now, wondering what's awaiting me....
but, i promise to myself that i will strive hard this year, i don't want to let the people that matter to me down, again.
any new year resolutions you might ask?
hmm, got plenty of them, but i've decided to keep them to myself, after all, what i wanna do is just to be better. Need lotsa self-improvements too...
by the way, i miss my lovely sister so badly!!! hope she's doing good during the nasional service training.
and for May and Kel, hope you both doing great as well, please do miss me all the time, LOL!!!
bye for now and i'm out.
*kisses and huggiez*