just another post

apparently i've discovered that i developed another type of phobia, and that's sending-people-off-at-the-airport phobia...
well, as you should know, many of my friends are going to overseas (especially australia) to further their studies soon, and of course, there will be this particular moment that i really don't wish to experience again...

May, you should know this best right? still remember what happened to me when i sent you off last year?? *don't tell others about this ya* shhh....
sigh, i just can't bear the scene where all the people getting super duperly emotional when the person is about to depart, then especially when the parents hug their kid longer enough for me to drive from penang to kl...haha, just kidding lah...and start to get teary eyes T.T boohooo~~~
i just cannot stand this kind of scenario!!! it's too.......EMOTIONAL!

that was why i didn't even send my sister off to NS that time, cuz for sure i'll sob like mad!!! unbelievable eh?! So, no hard feelings if i didn't send anyone of you off...it's not that i don't treasure you as friend or what, it's just phobia...


meanwhile, i'll try my very best to overcome this stupid phobia :p

crap

and i'm outta my mind...
this post is basically about me crapping while being left alone in the house, you can just ignore it...navigate away from this page if you don't expect lotsa meaningless grumblings and yea, just CRAP.


totally no mood for anything now.
eventhough i'm online now, my status in msn and skype is "appear offline" and "not available" respectively...the truth is i'm way too available to be true!
just don't feel like going out, so i got myself alone in the house now! it's so silent that it literally scares the hell out of me...
my parents went to grocery shopping, my bro went out too, the pathetic me staying in the house all alone...staring blankly at the pc screen, or better still, stalking people in facebook...meanwhile browsing through people's blogs and see what's happening going on...
don't know why i just feel disappointed when the blog is not updated whenever i click on it...
SO people, update your blog frequently to keep this pathetic antisocial me occupied :p
i don't have to mood to do revision as well, guess i've already in the chinese new year mood...i spend more time in front of my electone organ than my study table, is that even a good thing to tell?
speaking of cny, i havent been cutting my hair for quite a while, and it looks like a big mess of dried black grasses, but i wonder why do people spend so much on their hair?? it's just hair...it's just some kind of structural proteins...some people even go to steam their hair, your hair will denature due to high temperature you know??
CRAP.
one more thing, i'm having sorethroat and it sucks!!!
being have to wake up at 7am this morning (for Genetic class) is bad enough, the worse part is we were having 4 hours just for doing the Chi-Square lab work. damn boring you know??? calculate the same thing over and over and over again...was moodless during the whole lecture and acted like a living zombie.

by the way, i've already plan what i'm going to do tomorrow...wake up in the afternoon, watch tv, online, eat, sh*t...anything but not something productive...hmm, perhaps help my dad to paint for wall too...
better keep my fingers crossed that i will have my study mood back tomorrow!
one part of me wanna study, the other stronger (evil) part restrains me from doing so.
AHH? mm thung ngo yao split personality????


*sigh* you won't believe this, i'm actually cracking my head to think of more craps to write...

not my head itchy lah...

yooooooooo, today seems like forever.....

crap.

p/s: TONIGHT got Survivor China!!! May~~

remember last time we used to get so crazy over every single episode of Survivor? :)

May--just MAY!!!~

im very moody today....
was so bored and dunno what to do in the morning already...
then, in the afternoon, my 4th block result came out...
haiz....
drop back to 7* again...although another 2 improve to 8*
so dissapointed...i thought i can get all 80 and above this time..but...haiz...
in fact , to be honest , i hope that my ana can get 9* since last time i got 88 already...but...
haiz....
yeah..you are right..all are distinction marks...
but, overall , im not getting the chance to get distinction anyway as my first and maybe the second blocks result too were too bad......
then i realized that i need 30 marks in my uni to pass..
lol...
30 marks !!!!! only...
you see...
i lost my strength and enthusiatic to study now...that's why im posting...
ehaha....
luckily there is a movie post that make me at least smile ...
see........
i can't concentrate for the entire one hour i think....and i need to rearrange my timetable again...keep on lagging and lagging and lagging....
stupid...
lazy.....

your know what...
i changed my alarm ringtone to 'bu yao ren wei zi ji mei you yong' composed by liang zhi qiang..the main title song of 'im not stupid---xiao hai bu ben!' few days back....haiz....
eevery morning i have to force myself to wake up and every night i have to force myself to study more.....
and i realized that more than half a day is used for STUDYING!!!

kept on telling myself....less than one month time...
just study ...if not...whatever is it...i need to study ...to get through all this!
was fine even t\until yesterday...but just now today....
im like a balloon without air......

what should i do now??
i feel so guilty tat my result becomes so bad..even though i knew that it wasn't really bad since the highest is not 98 but 90 only....many ppl get less mark if compared to last block and this block is indeed more difficult but i just couldn't help to feel down....

i think
i
need
to
watch
the
japanese drama now,.....
but....its in malaysia...
if i watch it
i will get 'touched'easily and maybe i can cry and faxie a bit...
haiz....
at least give me some reason to cry right?
bt , i couldn't find one although it seems that i have tonnes....

feeling bored on everything...even on food....especially after i weight myself just now...
66.5kg?! no way.......

what am i writting?
i also dunno....
dunno....
just DUNNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lousy may >.<

Betrayal

So i came across this chinese blog...
i'm sorry if you don't understand mandarin, but this article is really meaningful and it truly reflects how i feel...ask someone to translate for you if you really want to know the content =)
the title of the post is "朋友這花紅", the blogger is 張小嫻.
i can't agree more than this...

let me highlight some of the points:

"我常常想，會不會有人是從來沒有被朋友出賣過的呢？
要是你這麼幸運，也許是你太年輕了，要不就是你根本沒有朋友。

小小的出賣，誰都會遇過。

他在背後說你是非，把你的秘密到處張揚。你當時也許深深受到傷害。然而，到了後來，你會慶幸，他傷不了你，倒是讓你認清了他。
大大的出賣，諸如利用你的信任....不過，這也只能怪你自己有眼無珠吧？

被朋友出賣，就像失戀和失望，都是人生的一部分。它會讓我們茁壯成長。

你被出賣過，並不是從此不再相信朋友，而是更感激真心對你好的朋友。

被朋友大大小小的出賣，就跟失戀一樣，要是早晚會發生的話，早比遲好。
這樣你可以早一點了解人生，你也復原得比較快。
做人還是瀟灑一點的好。何況，這些小小的出賣並沒有把我打倒。我寧願帶著溫暖的友情走我的路，記著對我好的人，原諒那些曾經對我不好的朋友。他們和我一樣，也不過是凡人。

走的路愈長，你愈明白，朋友是一筆額外的花紅，得之我幸，不應該對朋友有太高的要求。

maybe i really have high expectation of friends, especially those i considered as close one... that was why i always got very frustrated when anyone of them annoyed me. But who am i to judge them? who knows that maybe i'm the one who is not qualify to be their friend?
Nobody is perfect.
so, pick up the pieces and move on...