This is not the first time i fail an exam...
remember i failed my mathematics during my HSC..lolz...MATHEMATICS!! though only 2/3 marks, i was down because for a careless mistake to pass...
When i sit for the first test in med course..i failed as well..one mark....all confident gone...
after that...i had been doing really well, keeping myself in above moderate level, trying my best to do the best...
Since i came back to melaka, everything has changed..things seem to gone back to the beginning point when i was the poor student. I knew something went wrong..My scores are always at the last row in my group, i know im lack of knowledge..maybe i realized too late...many incidents happened throughout the year which bothering me so much...
Perhaps im overconfident?
Perhaps im too proud?
Perhaps I enjoyed or played too much?
Perhaps I just need to overcome the panic when i got to present???
Perhaps i need more time to study???
Perhaps the way i used to study is wrong?
I have only one night...
HA! to decide so many damn thing instead of being sad and down...cruel...*
i don't know my presence in outings with my friends will make them kekok or feel bad?? they can share my happiness, but why must they share my sorrows!?
i don't know what's the best for me...continue to study myself? ask my friends to revise with me( so i got to go to taiwan with them) while having fun a bit? or go back home to get some hugz and complete rest??
making decision is never a tough job for me (maybe for kel a bit bit?? hehez...)
but now... It matters..
I try to be rational.. (cool huh..)
but im just a normal human being...
no matter how strong am i, there will be things i cant take it..
lolz...i seriously overlook my self image....
now, how to face the crowds??
how long i can put on smile on my face and tell others that im fine??
I know what has happened is not the worst...is yet to be a BIG deal.. but....but.......
should i just go home and deep myself to my mama and papa and let them protect me??
after all.. 23 years old seems to be a huge number.. but its so minute that can turn me into a little girl in a sec!!
now think like that..*keep telling myself...
wipe off the tears...tears help nothing!!! cry till tsunami also won't change the fact...
I need to work out something!!!! THINK MAY...THINK!!! What should i do next?!!?!?!!!!
ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn IT!!!! HOW COULD I MAKE MYSELF FAILS SUCH IMPORTANT FINALS EXAM!??!!!!!!! DAMN!!
ps: All of you may not read this...
but thanks to valerie and wc who gave me a hug last night; thanks to Kent who offered me to help me to revise; yeeyong for offering me to leave the crowds, elsa and jy for calling me out for dinner, marine yeeyong and jy for companion, yentsen billy ck kc for msging me, my lovely sister to console me, my parents for their consideration and they never question why but just say the good things....:-)
I m lucky to be surrounded by friends and family at every stage of my life...
single words from you guys really means a lots...xue zhong song tan is not even a good enough word to describe what you have just done...The touch i felt deep to my heart..i will always remember that...as this the most precious thing in the world...
your initiative to comfort me speaks that at least you understand me...I wanted to be alone..but i need your accompany too...though i didnt say anything to you...
