i've no idea why everytime when it comes to the few days before new year, random thoughts start to mingle with my brain.
so many things that i plan to achieve for the coming year. it's because somehow i don't feel like i've achieved much throughout the year and worse still, i think i've let some people who are very close to me down. what am i going to do? what can i do to get my old self back?
i miss the old sue back in high school time.
i dislike the new designed sue once she stepped in the college's life.
i don't know what changes me, perhaps it's the abrupt switch from a care-free secondary student to a omg-when-is-the-due-date-for-assignments college student, and from that to a are-they-out-to-get-me uni student? Everything happens in a blink of the eyes...i probably need to work on my adaptation's skill.
of course, we can't always hold on to the past as the past has became our memories. It's the unknown that we have to work on. we don't know what's awaiting us and so we try our best to make it work out the way we expect.
frankly speaking, i don't really enjoy what i'm doing now. maybe it's just a short phase that people go through. will this feeling last? i don't know...
and when it comes to social life, i'm even worse. yea, i know people are different and i totally respect that fact. but, how do you really get along with those that you don't feel compatible with? i used to trust people easily, and i believe i still am.
i do agree that people change, and the changes are so constant that you won't even realise it. what can do you about it? you change or remain unchanged? yea, it's all about the survival of the fittest. sadly, i'm not always the "fittest" among them, sometimes i feel like i don't have the strength and the will to move on, and eventually lead to the thought of giving up. am i that beatable? am i that vulnerable? some people, even my family used to say i'm the toughest among my siblings, my friends too said i'm tough as nail. Deep down inside, am i THAT tough?
another question that slipped across my mind was that, do you ever take people for granted? have you ever try to patch things up and only realise it's too late? based on my previous experiences, some people have been taken me for granted and it was, of course hurtful. However, the truth is most of the people don't appreciate what they have until they lost it... why is this happening? Since the things/people are so important, why there are still people who don't seem to care? it's something that worth pondering...
HAH, i guess i started to freak out about my 2nd year (which is gonna be damn tough) that i began to do a lot of thinkings and acted weirdly. or maybe it's PMS???
anyway, no matter what, i'm gonna follow my heart rather than the brain.
after all, instinct is a precious gift God has gave to me =)
i still remember a phrase that i came across a few months back.
"life is like a grammar lesson, we find the PAST PERFECT and the PRESENT TENSE"
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