what if...

feeling scared and worried.
what am i suppose to do???
you might think that this is just another entry about me whining about how suck my life is, or the misfit things that can't seem to leave me alone...then you're wrong.
this time, it isn't about studies, social or relationship problems, it's something more, something personal, something that i wish i never had, something that i don't really want to disclose here...
sometimes i feel so sorry for myself. whenever i think about it, i feel even worse.
just need someone that i really can talk to at the moment! that person would be my sister, but now she's not here with me...and i'm keeping all this shit with me day by day, not knowing where to let them out.
despite you guys, i really don't know who can i rely on, or maybe trust (despite my family), but they are so busy with their own stuff and i really don't want to bother them much.
i have so much "what if(s)" inside me... once again.
i'm definitely not the luckiest person on earth, and i'm trying to live every single moment to the fullest despite the obstacles that i have to overcome.
but the question is, how long can i stand anymore?
i feel as if i'm like an over-stretched rubber band, waiting to break into pieces...

i might and probably not solving the problem by posting this entry, but for sure it would make me feel better. i can write whatever i want, whenever i want...and this gives me a tiny bit of comfort and courage to stand up again...