头痛,真没原因吗?

看来blogging的生活又得开始了。
因为我又离群,离乡背井了。

昨晚没睡好,今早头有些痛。只当没睡好的后遗症。吃完早餐就自己出发到东部了。

一路上,还好。

看到 那kk样。。我沉默了。
方圆百里,不出10户人家; 方圆200里,也才10多户人家。方圆500里,我完全看不到吃的。方圆千里,也没有。我一直怕我会说出"比印度都不如"的话。可就算我不比较,可当我想到:方圆50里里,就有很大只的四脚蛇。。我,真的怕了。

驾着车,我眼都红了,泪水都控制不了了。

尽管到了KB后,我一直说服我自己,还好,还不错,没问题的。。可是怎么一小片大青辣椒都让我泪流不止呢??

我没那么勇敢。
我不复当年勇。
我不想离家,天晓得再下一次见到我爸妈时又是怎样的光景?

我又能怎样?
躲在酒店,痛哭失声,哭完再说吧!

忍，也要忍得有尊严

到底还要这样下去多久？

容忍你，频频的道歉，不是因为我觉得我错，
是因为我不想因为些小到需要用放大镜才看到的事情，而破坏我们之间的感情。

可是，我的忍耐度，真的是一天比一天减少了。
请你不要把我的宽容，当作是你可以继续放肆的理由。

如果有那么一天，
我觉得这一切再也不值得的时候，

我会放弃得彻底。


我不想因为你，而失去原本的自己。
忍，也要忍得有尊严

人，还是要最爱自己比较好。

Taken For Granted

They said people don't know what they have, until they lost it.

Truth is, people know what they had, just that.. they never thought they will lose it. 

唯一的解脱

伤心，委屈，生气，失望，无奈

哭，并不代表我认输。

哭，也并不代表我是弱者。

只是，当时的心情，我言语上无法表达，

而哭，是唯一的解脱。

然而，觉得每次掉了眼泪，自己好像变得更坚强了。

“加油” 我对自己说 “哭过就好了”

5-1-2012

I know today is your birthday..sue...

i was very very happy today until the evening when i received a sms after class...

I somewhat cannot be happy again..

remember my Zhang lao shi..who taught me calligraphy?? he passed away d..

I alwaysa fraid someone will pass away when im away from home..and when it does happen..i seriously got a slap on my face and dunno how to react... I was such a student who seldom listen to teacher.. sarcastically, the teacher that i respect and treasure the most leave the earliest... I would say he is the only teacher that teach me everything, attitude, behaviour, manners, patience, confident, skills... always encourage me and feel happy for every achievements his students get. and i seriously can chit chat with him.. tell him what's my fear, share with him bits and there of fun..

haiz...

树欲静而风不止...is not only applicable to parents...whoever you feel thankful to him, whoever you appreciate... whoever means a lotz to you..always treasure the time together before everything goes too late...

把握当下，珍惜眼前人.....

I will always remember what you taught me... always appreciate my friendship with jian fa, jian hao, sze kee, cindy, su yun or even karying, yuwei, and other people.. it was you who made us meet, know each other and become good friends.. i shall never forget to become a good daughter, a good person....

你，看开了吗？

学会看开，人也会比较快乐，

不是每一样东西都会随你意，

当一件事，不如你期待的那样，

就该学会从另外一个角度看，

看通了，看开了，

也不会再一直执着于不如意的小事，而搞到自己不开心。

人家要怎么对你，你控制不到，

还记得有一句话：

“别人对你好是你的福气，别人对你不好也很正常”

可是，你能控制你自己，所以

要学会每一件不如意的事，都以不同的角度来看，

这样，日子也会比较好过，人也快乐一点 =）

快乐是自找的

快乐是自找的，不是你给我的！i like this sentence =D
suddenly listen back to this song...so got feel~

无奈! 无奈!! 我只能说......

别太高估你自己......

也别太小看了我......

看来我又证明了...我真的很符合 天.蝎.座 !! ^_^

Wishing I can just hide behind you....

Leaving all the troubles for you....

whatever I yet to accept....

whichever I can't take it....

Please let me home....

everyone and everything I want...

is there!!

安稳地过着平凡的日子，

却因为些许琐事，

让我见到自己的落莫与不欢

和失去平衡点的我。

我不停地逃，不由自主地逃，茫无目的地逃，

却让我的生活越发惆怅...

高估了自己的我，唯有继续嘲笑镜子前的[她]；

因为[她]

和我一样，

不舍得，舍不得，

可都知道，总得放下..

以为抛开很容易，才知道，学问大着呢...

偏偏还要面对白痴的冷嘲热讽 (白痴是本小姐所能想到最客气，最斯文的称呼了)

我以为我很坦然，却不知我在压抑着另一个自己...

我别无他法，这是我潜意识能想到唯一的法子...

我需要更多的力量，我非回不可...

家，真的是我的寄托..

而现在，我很需要它来帮我暖心.......

将成为往事.....

终于弄明白了...他真的...嗯.....

很惊讶他竟然说了那么多...但我觉得我超语无伦次....我都不知道我自己在说什么叻....

我竟然答了他这么多的问题....我竟然没有因为要面子而骗他...我都不愿意骗他叻...真难得....都不知道我是天真单纯抑或傻......

还好我没在他面前哭...

那就继续尽量保持那份潇洒吧?!

其实，仔细想想，我这次是做对了...至少我断绝了继续胡思乱想的机会，我可以坦荡荡的面对他...

或许我的言行举止还是和之前没两样，可是心态肯定就变了，因为我不需要压抑，也不需要演戏...反正没什么秘密了...

算是松了一口气吧...不过...哈哈...我很喜欢他跟我说话时看着我....

我很开心，因为你没有让我觉得你在轻视我..

我有些气，因为你真的在用‘拖’字诀...

我很抱歉，因为你依然牵动着我...

我很感激，因为你提醒了我，我应该用功读书...

我头很痛，因为我把所有的伤心，忍住和水吞下去...

唉....我好想回家.....

ps: 如果一有人帮我制造绯闻我就喜欢上谁，那么我大概有情史了.....

自己的眼泪，自己擦...

I think that was a wrong decision....

I don't wish to see you at this moment.....

I think i can't proceed further.....

I will stop here.........

被我无聊的浪费掉的周末.。。。。.

闷闷的过了两天....

常常以为我拥有太少的时间来过个慵懒的周末，满足的睡觉...

可，人就是犯践的。 得不到的时候却强求，得到时却觉得太漫长!!

如果有一台摄影机放置在我房间的话，大概有人会送我去医院了...

躺在床上对着毫无布置的天花板，若有所思；

挺直的坐在椅上，一会儿双眼呆滞的望着窗帘，一会儿入格的盯着桌上的notes,却一面也没翻过~

电脑播着一首又一首的歌曲，却好像没几首歌能让我回神。

最夭寿的事是当电话铃声响起时....

我好像太神经质了...真没想到我会那么心神不宁.......

能不由得我紧张吗?

我挣扎了两年在这‘说与不说’之间...‘说’ 了的 后果不知在我脑海盘旋过多少次了...

可当我知道有人告诉他时，我有多手足无措???

真是的，我要是真的不好好控制我自己的话，我要是真的想让你感觉到的话，我还倒不如直接告诉你算了，兜这样大的圈子干嘛?苯啊?!

每个人都不断地嘲笑我说我太明显了，那我敢不收敛吗??

现在怎样??很想当我司机是吗?整天叫你载我出去，你很得空是不是!??

我真的没有约你出去过吗?难道要写明 ‘ can i date you' 才叫约吗!?

我什么都不做就已经被人看穿， 谣言满天飞了；我真的付诸行动的话，倒不如直接一点，我倒追你啦!???

是不是觉得很无言?!

算了...我自找的............

ps: 我很庆幸，是别人告诉你的........

巴厘岛之旅~

A summary to be made..... hehez...

If you want a budget trip..forget about bali!!

If you think there is no difference between INDia and INDonesia, you are naif!!

If you think you can only get tan when you go to beach, get ready for sunburned...

If you are a carnivore, you should start planning your trip!

If you hates temples, be prepared that you will get bored..

If you think india's life has already given you a strong immunity, challenge it again with Bali..

If you never bargain and think that bargain is embarrassing, please bring lotz of dollar!

If you would like to enjoy the hospitality...Welcome to Bali...^^

Grandma's words......

Do you ever realized that my heart is broken..??

I tried to forget...but when i listen to this song, I can't help but feel down...

哀莫大于心死!!

why must you be so unfair??

all of us are your grandchildren...i don't mind you treat others better but at least you don't take me as nothing!!!

Who am I to you??

Other ppl grand daughter or your own granddaughter with the surname of O.Y?!

I know you like to show off, so i keep quiet....

I know you like them more than I, so let it be...

BUt can you please stop saying words or do something that may hurt me?!?!

I wanted to recall whichever things that considered a good memory between you and me..unfortunately, I realized you never been sincere to me..

you smiled at me, because others are looking at us! not because of you are happy to see me~

you praised me, because people say im good! not because of you are proud of me~

you talk to me, because i will help you to do something! not because of you miss me~

Last saturday, you made me understand that no matter what i do, I will never be the one that you will love or care! So, i decided, I shouldn't include you as one that i should make proud of...

whatever you do, you are just acting; whatever you say, they are just the script.

But my life isn't a movie of your production!!!

Down to Happy

I've realized a quick way to distract yourself from sorrow (even its only for a short while), is to look back at those old photos in your laptop/photo albums. At least for me, it does help to ease the pain a little.

Looking back at my previous trips photos, photos with friends back in old times, really leave a grin on my face. Temporarily forget those unpleasant stuff, traveling back to old times, immersing myself in happier memories..

I can make myself happy, if i want to.. =)

p/s: the reason why i like to take photos, it's because even though the people inside the photos changed, the camera captured something that remained forever.

the smile =)

When it happens to me..

This is not the first time i fail an exam...

remember i failed my mathematics during my HSC..lolz...MATHEMATICS!! though only 2/3 marks, i was down because for a careless mistake to pass...

When i sit for the first test in med course..i failed as well..one mark....all confident gone...

after that...i had been doing really well, keeping myself in above moderate level, trying my best to do the best...

Since i came back to melaka, everything has changed..things seem to gone back to the beginning point when i was the poor student. I knew something went wrong..My scores are always at the last row in my group, i know im lack of knowledge..maybe i realized too late...many incidents happened throughout the year which bothering me so much...

Perhaps im overconfident?

Perhaps im too proud?

Perhaps I enjoyed or played too much?

Perhaps I just need to overcome the panic when i got to present???

Perhaps i need more time to study???

Perhaps the way i used to study is wrong?

I have only one night...

HA! to decide so many damn thing instead of being sad and down...cruel...*

i don't know my presence in outings with my friends will make them kekok or feel bad?? they can share my happiness, but why must they share my sorrows!?

i don't know what's the best for me...continue to study myself? ask my friends to revise with me( so i got to go to taiwan with them) while having fun a bit? or go back home to get some hugz and complete rest??

making decision is never a tough job for me (maybe for kel a bit bit?? hehez...)

but now... It matters..

I try to be rational.. (cool huh..)

but im just a normal human being...

no matter how strong am i, there will be things i cant take it..

lolz...i seriously overlook my self image....

now, how to face the crowds??

how long i can put on smile on my face and tell others that im fine??

I know what has happened is not the worst...is yet to be a BIG deal.. but....but.......

should i just go home and deep myself to my mama and papa and let them protect me??

after all.. 23 years old seems to be a huge number.. but its so minute that can turn me into a little girl in a sec!!

now think like that..*keep telling myself...

wipe off the tears...tears help nothing!!! cry till tsunami also won't change the fact...

I need to work out something!!!! THINK MAY...THINK!!! What should i do next?!!?!?!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn IT!!!! HOW COULD I MAKE MYSELF FAILS SUCH IMPORTANT FINALS EXAM!??!!!!!!! DAMN!!

ps: All of you may not read this...

but thanks to valerie and wc who gave me a hug last night; thanks to Kent who offered me to help me to revise; yeeyong for offering me to leave the crowds, elsa and jy for calling me out for dinner, marine yeeyong and jy for companion, yentsen billy ck kc for msging me, my lovely sister to console me, my parents for their consideration and they never question why but just say the good things....:-)

I m lucky to be surrounded by friends and family at every stage of my life...

single words from you guys really means a lots...xue zhong song tan is not even a good enough word to describe what you have just done...The touch i felt deep to my heart..i will always remember that...as this the most precious thing in the world...

your initiative to comfort me speaks that at least you understand me...I wanted to be alone..but i need your accompany too...though i didnt say anything to you...

You have no idea.

All of people to judge, why you have to judge me..

All of people whom i thought will judge me, why you..

You've known me since the day I've born, you should know me better than anyone else in the world. but sadly, NO..i can confirm that, you never know me.

Am i so bad in your eyes?

Am i so cheap in your eyes?

Am i always not good enough for you?

Why? WHY!!!

why you always have to PIN-POINT me? as if what I did never seem good enough for YOU and only YOU?

you put me down, thrashed me all around,

Why the fark you said those words to me?

it hurts me deeply. i don't think i will forgive you anytime soon.

mind you, this is not the FIRST time you do this to me.

This explains why i never tell my stuff to you, and you hardly know anything about me. Shame on you, shame on you.

For God's sake, i'm 23 years old.

You can't expect to always lock me in you cage and not making decision for my own.

You can't expect me to live in your OWN expectation. You're not me.

Things Happen

这次，我真的彻底失望了

在你还没跟我说之前，我是非常非常非常期待

甚至于，我傻到每一天都在 countdown 着那一天的来临

其实，这件事没有人预料到，

只能怪我们的timing 不对

期待了，兴奋着，被现实打击，失望了，伤心了，那又能怎样？

还不是得勉强着笑容，说：没关系，never mind.. things happen..

整件事来的顺其，可是我觉得一点都不自然.

也突然发现，

失望了还勉强笑着，

真的很难看

p/s: things happen.. but can we make a change?

UPDATE =)

Hello Hello,

It has been awhile since i last update myself

Hmm... So far I have a GREAT life, as God has promised me!!

Some might know and some might not know I am now teaching in a private school. I have grown and learnt alot so far, but I am still learning and growing =)

The school for me is a wonderful place to work. The bosses have been great so far. They all VIP in some other companies, and I am blessed to have them as my boss. Because they really are wise people with a great heart.

My students!! hahaha... the one make me smile and make me frown all the time. Some are sweet, some are a little bit worry, haha. But I do have great moments with them. Some walked with me while be put our hands on each other shoulders, some praise for me, some cheers when they know I am with them in their group.

However, there are sad part too. Some they do not know how to respect, some they are not being respect, some they are drew away from the things on earth, some they are drew away because of their families issues. It is sad to see things on earth could be so hurtful to a person or a family.

Let me give you an Example, just like relationship. Nowadays people are living in a life of I DO NOT CARE!! and I JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!!

These attitudes might be okay for sometime, but it is definitely NOT OK for most of the time. If a family grew up with this kind of attitude, the child would have a lot of attitude problems. I saw a lot of cases in school where the students problems are mostly come from the family problems. Sometimes we might think our simple little deeds are nothing, but it reflects yourself.

There is one child who has anger controlling problems, he does not know how to manage his anger or temper. He even hit the teacher when he does not like the teacher's order. Later on, the teachers found out that he actually HAS A VERY ANGRY FATHER at home who will hit his mother when he is not happy. The school has kinda 'tame' him down, I think the parents divorced later on and he is now a great and smartest kid in class.

There is much more cases to share, but it's too long to share. I just want to say don't fall for the things on earth. And make everything you do and say counts =)

Have a great day, God bless =)